Have you ever noticed that there is always one person in the family who is "the grown up"? What I mean is there is always that one person that everyone seeks out to solve their problems or give them the answers they are seeking. For the longest time, that person in my family was my dad. And Dad always had the answers. They may not have been the right answers, but they were his answers. Eight years ago when Dad passed away unexpectedly of a massive heart attack, my family was lost. I heard a few times from different family members "What am I going to do now?" He was the rock in our family. He was "the one" that kept everything between the lines. He was simply "the one".
Eight years later....I am "the one". And I wonder every day how I got here.
I am the third of four children. I have two older sisters and one younger brother. When I was growing up, I would have called myself a "non-event". I didn't stand out. I was the peacemaker in my family and tried to "blend in". After Dad died, I became "the one" pretty quickly and I'm not at all sure how it happened. When he passed, someone had to step up and make decisions about his funeral. My brother (who is probably one of the smartest guys I know) lives in Colorado so until he got there, I was the one making the decisions (and to some extent continued to make them once he got there. I just had someone to bounce them off of first.). And it continued from there. I was the one that took care of getting Mom taken care of. I made sure an alarm system was installed in her house before she went back to live there. Then I made sure that the code to the alarm system was strategically placed somewhere she could find it so she didn't set off the alarm all the time. Over time we realized that Mom really couldn't live by herself anymore (she was falling a lot), so it was me that went searching for an independent living facility where she could live on her own, but still have some help. My father in law moved into the same facility so he would be close to us as well. A few years ago, Mom and Louis (my father in law) approached us about buying a bigger house and moving in with us. We did that, so now their care is in our hands. And it is really great. But again, I am "the one" that handles a bunch of things for my mom and some things for my father in law. They are both VERY independent and handle most things themselves, but I carry a lot of it too - mostly for Mom. BUT, I will say that I feel EXTREMELY BLESSED to be doing this for both of them. I am not complaining at all. Just trying to get to my point! HA!
So in addition to that, both of my sisters and my niece call me to help them through decisions too. I'm a sounding board of sorts. I'm "the one". They all acknowledge that they know they are putting it on me....but it continues to happen. On top of family crisis management, people that I work with ALSO call for prayer and counsel.
So here is my point...or my question...Did I bring this on? Am I somehow so controlling that I feel the need to take on other people's issues? Or do I just put off some sort of confidence that says "problem solver"? I am a self professed "control freak". So I'm just really not sure about this.
The thing I know is that I can't continue to carry everyone else's problems. I pray for them all and give them to God. I know I should be able to say "no", but these are my loved ones and I am not going to let them down.
Something to ponder...
Dear Abby....where is my blanket fort?
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